How We Care for at Your Special Baby
Written on February 5, 2008 by steven
Fortunately, few parents ever have to learn that their baby has a problem. This doesn’t make it any easier for those parents who have to face the fact that their baby has a condition that is going to affect, and perhaps dominate, her life and theirs, too.
Diagnosis
Your baby will be examined by your health care provider at birth and before you leave the hospital. They may find something that requires further investigation at this point. If not, you may be the first to spot that something isn’t quite right. Talk to your family doctor, who should refer your baby for an expert assessment-insist that this happens if you’re concerned. Among the first things to exclude are impaired hearing or vision, these should be tested at your baby’s developmental checks.
Coming To Terms With The News
Whenever you find out about your baby’s disability, you’ll need time to adjust to the shock and pain. Every new parent has expectations and hopes for their child, and it’s as though all of these are dashed in the space of a few minutes. In many ways, it is like a bereavement; you need to mourn for the baby you thought you were expecting, the perfect, able-bodied child you longed for, and come to terms with the special baby you have. In time, of course, this child will be your perfect child and you’ll feel ashamed that you ever thought her second best, but in the early days, it’s almost impossible not to feel a sense of loss.
Talk To Others
Many of the congenital conditions that affect children and babies are extremely rare, but it will help you enormously if you can find other parents to talk to who have a child with exactly the same problem as your own. Your doctor, clinic or local social services department can help put you in touch with specialist organizations. These may have self help groups that include other parents who are in the same or a similar position to yours.
Physical Problems That Can Be Corrected
With advances in neonatal pediatric surgery, many of the physical problems babies are born with can be corrected, even in the first months. This is a worrisome time because it’s distressing to see your baby having to undergo a series of operations. It can also be a strain emotionally (and financially), particularly if the hospital treating your baby is a long way from your home, but it helps to know that there is every chance that your baby will be able to grow up to be a normal, healthy child.
Recognizing Developmental Problems
A baby with a developmental problem is going to reach her milestones at a slower than average rate, and in some cases may not reach them at all. You may notice quite early on that your baby is behind from various signs, such as unusual quietness, lack of alertness, no interest in her surroundings, floppiness (lack of muscle tone), docility, and sleeping for long periods. Sometimes a baby who’s been termed good turns out to be a baby with a problem, because this kind of baby cries rarely, makes little noise, and doesn’t interact well with her environment.
Later Signs
As your baby grows older, at around seven or eight months you may notice that her attention span is very short and she’ll spend time moving quickly from one toy to another instead of examining one slowly and carefully as most babies do. Later still, she may be overactive and have difficulty concentrating on a single activity. She may also be reserved and unresponsive to people, even when she knows them very well.
Avoid Comparisons
Comparing one baby with another is never a good idea, but if you have a baby with delayed development, it’s doubly important to see your baby for herself, rather than against the standard of other people’s children. With perseverance, the support of specialists and encouragement from you, your baby will reach some of her milestones eventually, and the reward of seeing her do so will give you huge sarisfaction.
Other People’s Attitudes
Most people don’t have direct experience of a disability, and have little idea of how to react to a disabled person or child. Indeed, this may have been your own position until recently. Almost inevitably, there will be those who will say the wrong thing, make a crass comment or remark without thinking. You’ll just have to remind yourself that their insensitivity comes from ignorance and embarrassment and they probably don’t mean to be offensive. Try not to let this get you down, be open about your baby’s disability so that it doesn’t become a taboo subject.
Giving A Lead
What you’ll find is that many of your family and friends will take their lead from you in learning how to relate to your child. Make it clear that although her disability may be permanent, she is in no way inferior to anyone else and has the same right to love, understanding, and support as any child. You’ll need courage, but you’ll discover, like many other parents of disabled children, that you’ve got an inner strength that you never thought you would have. If you can be positive and hopeful about your child, and show by example how much you value her individuality and personality, other people will learn to do the same.
How You Can Help
If and when your baby is diagnosed with developmental delay, disability or learning difficulty, you’ll be given specialist advice on how to stimulate her both physically and intellectually. Here are some ideas.
- Stimulate your child from birth. Do this visually make sure she can see your face close up as much as possible, and hang a picture of a face down the side of the crib. Stimulate her aurally by playing music or a heartbeat, by talking and singing. Use touch with different textures, such as lambskin, cotton, rubber, or plastic.
- Talk and sing to your baby in pronounced rhythms and rhymes, such as jack and jill.
- Read and talk aloud to her as much as you can.
- Make her aware of her body with gentle clapping games and baby massage.
- Find toys that are educational and enjoyable and show her how to play with them.
- Introduce her to as many people as possible.
- Give her lots of love and make her feel secure. Praise her often.
- Give her lots of cuddles and kisses, make sure others do, too.
- Never scold or punish her slowness.
- Encourage her to be independent help her to try to do things, even if it’s hard.
- Be patient when she’s frustrated. Life will be a bit more difficult for her, especially when she realizes that she can’t do things that others her age can.
Early Signs
Although the rate of normal development is enormously varied, it may become apparent that your baby’s development is delayed. Don’t leap to conclusions, but as parents, you’re likely to be the first to recognize some of the signs.
Hand awareness
A baby becomes aware of her hands at about eight weeks. At 12-16 weeks this interest wanes, but may last up to 20 weeks in a baby whose development is delayed.
Grasp reflex
From birth to about six weeks, a baby wraps her fingers tightly around anything placed in her palm, then the reflex fades as she begins to gain control of her hand movements. This reflex lasts longer in a developmentally delayed baby.
Exploration with the mouth
At about four months, a baby puts everything in her mouth. Most stop at one, but a developmentally slow child will go on longer.
Casting
From 8-16 months, all babies go through the stage of casting dropping things to see where they fall. This lasts longer in a baby whose development is delayed.
Dribbling
Most babies achieve mouth control at 12 months, slow babies dribble for much longer.
Chewing
Most babies develop the ability to chew, even with out teeth, by about seven months. A developmentally delayed baby will take longer.
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